Have you noticed that there’s a Gap between Intention and Impact? Often my intention is to be helpful, yet the impact ends up doing the opposite.

I found out last night that one of my best friends was recently diagnosed with cancer. He arrived at my home for dinner looking wan and turned inside out. That’s when he let me know that his doctor had called early yesterday evening to give him the news. His partner was away for the weekend, so I’m glad I could be there for him as he stood in that horrible space between initial diagnosis and prognosis – no one needs to be alone in that space. We both cried, I characteristically more than he, ate a bit, then cried some more.

He let me know that he’d told his daughter – whom I’ve known forever – and I thought about how distraught she must be. So, I called her after he left to go home. My call went straight to voicemail, but as I was leaving a message I noticed she was trying to call me back. I picked up the phone to hysterical cries asking if her dad was ok: “what’s happened, what’s happened? Is he ok?” Unbeknownst to me, my daughter and her dad’s partner had called twice while she was eating, then my call, so she immediately assumed the worst. I let her know everything was ok, that I was just calling to offer support. Needless-to-say, my intention of being supportive fell far from the mark and I felt like shit for having inadvertently caused someone I love additional distress.

I relearned an important lesson last night – to pause prior to leaping into action – to consider the Gap between Intention and Impact. Everything turned out ok – as ok as this horrible situation can be.